How Do I Know If My Child's Tantrums Are Normal?
As a parent, witnessing your child's tantrum can be a challenging experience, at times leading to feelings of worry, uncertainty or concern. Understanding the line between normal and concerning behavior is crucial in nurturing a child's development. This blog post aims to offer an informative, straightforward, and compassionate 'toddler tantrums, navigation guide to help you navigate through these turbulent waters with reassurance and encouragement.
Understanding Toddler Tantrums
Before diving into the specifics, it's important to understand what a tantrum is. Tantrums are emotional outbursts, typically seen in children ranging from 1 to 4 years old. They can manifest as crying, screaming, kicking, whining, struggling to cooperate, or flailing on the floor. It's a normal part of child development, as toddlers are learning to navigate their emotions and express themselves. They often occur due to frustration, exhaustion, hunger, or an inability to communicate effectively.
When are Tantrums Considered Normal?
Frequency and Duration: The first aspect to consider is how often and how long the tantrums last. Occasional tantrums are a typical part of growing up, especially at younger ages. Temper tantrums can begin around 1 to 2 years of age. From around ages 2 to 3, it is actually normal for children to get upset in response to changes to routine. While tantrums are often normal at young ages, they can still be stressful and it is always encouraged to seek help if you would find more strategies to be of assistance. If tantrums happen multiple times a day, last more than a few minutes, and leave you feeling unsure of how to better manage and decrease them, it could be a sign that it is time for help.
Triggers: Identifying what triggers your child's tantrums can be enlightening. Common triggers include being told 'no', transitioning from one activity to another, or feeling tired or hungry. If tantrums arise from these triggers in young children, it's usually considered normal. Still, you may find it helpful to get support and effective strategies to manage your own frustrated responses, and/or effective tools for managing and/or decreasing the tantrums.
Intensity: The intensity of a tantrum is another indicator. While some crying and shouting are expected, extreme aggression, such as hitting or biting, can be safety concerns that indicate it is time for professional help.
Child's Age: Younger toddlers, around 1 to 2 years old, are more prone to tantrums due to their limited language skills. As children grow older and communication improves, the frequency and intensity of tantrums often naturally decreases.
Recognizing Concern
While tantrums are a normal aspect of childhood, there are certain signs that might indicate it's time to seek professional advice:
Self-harm or Aggression: If your child is hurting themselves or others during tantrums, it can become a safety concern that is better to address with the right support, earlier than later.
Inconsolable Tantrums: If it is taking a toll on you and/or the rest of your family, and/or you feel that no matter what you do your child does not seem to be learning to calm down and/or stays in extended tantrums over time, it can be an indicator that support is recommended.
Impact on Daily Life: When tantrums become so frequent or intense that they frequently disrupt daily routines or family life, it's a sign that help can be warranted.
Delayed Developmental Milestones: If tantrums are accompanied by a delay in other developmental milestones, such as speech or motor skills, it's advisable to consult a healthcare professional.
Strategies for Managing Tantrums
Handling tantrums effectively requires patience and understanding. Here are some strategies:
Stay Calm: Your child looks to you for cues on how to regulate emotions. Staying calm and composed, can significantly help de-escalate tantrums.
Identify the feeling and reason behind it for your child. “Validating or stating the trigger for the tantrum, even if you have to take your best guess about it, and do your best acting job to show that you empathise with their feeling, can help many children to feel understood,” notes Alexandra Barnett PhD, a clinical psychologist at Milestones Psychology. This may sound like, “You wanted to go to the park but it’s pouring outside, so you’re disappointed.” This gives your child the message that you are fully listening to what made them frustrated. When kids feel seen and believed for their feelings, they are better able to move on and cope, even if they didn’t get what they wanted. “Telling your child you fully hear and believe why they are upset, can help to disarm them, so they feel less of a need to act out more physically.”
Once you have communicated that you hear what your child is tantruming about, it is a good time to help them move on by engaging in conversations about other topics or a new activity.
Predict and Prevent: If you know certain situations trigger your child's tantrums, provide scaffolding to prepare for those moments. If your child struggles with daily transitions, often reminders and timers can help them adjust. If your child struggles with new activities or separation anxiety, visual books can help build familiarity and help kids know what to expect in new situations. “Children’s books or Social Stories are great tools for teaching kids about expressing feelings, as books can help them preview challenging areas in advance, and provide them with strategies that can assist with navigating them,” says Dr. Barnett.
Positive Reinforcement: Recognize and praise appropriate behavior that your child is working on. Telling your child, “Thank you for using your words, that helps us figure this out together” can help teach your child how to express themselves more appropriately.
Create a calm-down space or a 'cool-off corner' in your home. This designated area is a place where your child can go to regain their composure, with comforting objects like soft toys, cushions, or books. Encouraging your child to use this space when they feel overwhelmed can help them build self-regulation skills.
Respond Consistently: Consistency is key in managing tantrums. Once you determine a strategy that works best for your child, communicate it across the caregivers that work closely with your child so everyone is on the same page. This way, your child will not be confused, or reinforced for tantrums.
The Role of Milestones Psychology
At Milestones Psychology, we understand that parenting isn't always straightforward, and dealing with tantrums can be particularly challenging. Our team, consisting of experienced clinicians with child development expertise, is dedicated to supporting families through these challenging times. We offer personalized strategies tailored to your child's unique needs and temperament, as well as your family values and dynamics.
Our approach at Milestones Psychology is grounded in evidence-based practices. We start by conducting a thorough assessment to understand the underlying causes of your child's tantrums. This involves looking at developmental milestones, communication skills, and emotional regulation capabilities. Based on our assessment, we provide a customized plan that often includes parent-child therapy, parent and/or teacher consultation, and/or individual sessions for children depending on what is determined to be most appropriate.
When to Seek Professional Help
As parents, it can be tough to decide when to seek help. If your child's tantrums continue to be frequent, prolonged, or intense, it might be time to consult a professional. Other indicators include if your child's tantrums are causing significant family stress, impacting their social interactions, or if you notice other developmental concerns.
At Milestones Psychology, we're here to help you navigate these concerns. Our goal is not only to address the immediate issue of tantrums but to equip your child with skills that will serve them well throughout their life. We focus on building resilience, emotional intelligence, and effective communication skills.
Encouragement and Support for Parents
As a parent, it's important to remember that you're not alone in this journey. Seeking help is a sign of strength, not failure. At Milestones Psychology, we offer a supportive and non-judgmental environment where parents can share their concerns, learn effective parenting strategies, and gain the support they need.
While toddler tantrums are a normal part of development, understanding when they cross the threshold into concerning territory is crucial. Implementing effective management strategies, fostering emotional intelligence, and seeking professional help when needed can significantly improve the situation. Remember, every child is unique, and finding the right approach may take time and patience. At Milestones Psychology, we're committed to supporting you and your child through this journey with compassionate, tailored, and professional guidance.
